


BBFs for Lyfe

by NudeScientist



Series: APA and its dumb babies [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Embarrasiing phone calls with your best friend, M/M, Other, The Talk, dummies being dummies, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23430202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NudeScientist/pseuds/NudeScientist
Summary: After Chapter 7. What happens while Sasha and Levi bakeEren calls Jean. Jean hates it.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: APA and its dumb babies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685431
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	BBFs for Lyfe

Jean is snooping through Levi’s side of the entire floor when his phone rings distracting him from the glorious video game collection he’s admiring. Connie is already on his hands and knees pulling out N64 controllers ranting about _Perfect Dark_. He swears it's a better shooter than GoldenEye because Aliens. Jean didn’t play shooters growing up because he was a sensitive boy at the time and his mothers wouldn’t allow it. 

He looks down at his phone confused. Eren never calls him. He texts him 99% of the time. The rest of the time, someone else texts Jean for him. To say that Jean is unpleasantly surprised is an understatement. Still, he answers like the dutiful friend he is because surely there must be an emergency. 

“Yeah?”

“Jean! Jean! My fucking dick skin!” Not an emergency then. Just Eren being a fucking dumbass. Like always. Its familiarity is comforting in a way that makes Jean feel gross inside. He’d rather drown than admit he kind of missed the idiot. 

Instead, he prepares himself for whatever stupid shit His Alpha has come up with this time. The sigh that leaves Jean’s body to accommodate whatever the fuck he’s about to absorb is one for the record books. ‘World’s Longest Most Annoyed Sigh’ - Jean Kirschtein. A plaque would be nice. “What’s wrong with your dick skin?”

“It’s sagging. Like where my knot is. Am I jacking off too much? How do I make it go back? Can I make it go back?” Eren is whining, high pitched and nervous, it would be pathetic if he wasn’t an idiot but he is. How he’s his pack alpha depresses the shit out of him. 

“It's supposed to stretch dumbass. Why are you so fucking dumb? God. Your knot is inside your dick. Under your skin. Did- Do you do this on purpose? Are you this stupid because you like it?” His Alpha is a whole goddamn adult. A fucking grown up with access to internet porn. “Didn’t you go to sex-Ed like the rest of us?”

“Dad pulled me out!” Right even a mildly aroused Eren would’ve been a nightmare. 

“Fuck, I forgot. Why don’t you talk to Grisha about this…” He gets up to walk away from Connie because the bald-headed fuck is clearly listening to the entire conversation. When he's closer to the kitchen than Levi’s rooms he continues. “Why don’t you talk to Grisha about your dick stuff? He’s a whole ass doctor that specializes in weird Alpha shit no one talks about.”

“Jean, I know you have two moms so try hard to relate for a moment. Why would I want to talk to _my_ dad about _my_ dick? That means listening to _him_ talk about _his_ dick? Cause you know he will. You know he’ll get right into talking about how mom likes to suckle his saggy knot skin and -” Jean listens to him wretch while he swallows the little bit of vomit in his own mouth.

He nods in understanding. Getting the “Your Dick and You” talk from his own moms was so awkward he went to Reiss. Reiss was personal but he didn’t intentionally make it weird. Grisha lived for making everyone uncomfortable as possible. “Point taken. How many knots have you popped today alone? Six? Seven?”

“Like three, maybe four to be honest.”

A rut involves knots. Constant overwhelmingly blissful knots. He double-checks the time before following up with his next thought. “Is your dick broke? Three knots today sounds like your dicks broke. Does it hurt?”

“Yes. Jacking off hurts, not jacking off hurts. I was holding my dick by the foreskin when I gotta go piss cause it hurts when it flops around.”

“It’s alright Yeager. You’ll be doing your weird dick dance in no time. Ride this out and convince your omega to mate before your next cycle. If you have that long.” He doesn’t really. Levi would have to have the iron will of a thousand samurai ready to commit seppuku to resist his own desire. Let alone a raging hard Eren.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I saw your omega today and he smelled like trampled roses. You’re gonna kick his next-.”

“Why are you around my omega Kirschtein?” The snarl that rings through the phone has his alpha riled up, pheromones responding to the challenge being issued. 

After a few deep breaths he’s sure his voice doesn’t sound thick with aggression Jean replies, “Ran into him at Superstore with a sensitivity headache. Helped with groceries but he told Sasha he was getting a cake for his sister. Sasha offered to make it for him. You know how that goes. They’re both in there 

“Fuck, my bad. You didn’t let some Alpha asshole feel him up? Good ponyboy.”

“Fuck you, Jaeger. Hope your dick falls off.” 

“Oh? I was gonna use my saggy dick skin to order this I’m-sorry-for-almost-breaking-your-nose Game of Thrones book set but whatever. Guess you’re alright. My bad. Save my money.”

The double back that proceeds is Jean’s most effective switch up to date. “Hey. Hey! I take it back. I hope you keep your dick forever. I hope your dick is the last thing that maggots eat when you're dead in the grave.”

Laughter on the line eases the remaining tension from both males. “Yeah yeah. So, you at Levi’s place?

“Yeah, I’m still here. Connie too. Levi said we can crash in the guest rooms. He has five.”

“Five guest rooms?”

“Yeah man. It’s ridiculous. Your omega is dumb rich.” The building itself won’t allude to how much money he has but the top floor thing does. So does the astounding fact that Levi had the wall between two apartments torn down just so he can “escape the bitch’s funk.”

“I don’t care about that. Send me a pic.”

“Of what? Your omega or his apartment?”

“Both? Both are good.”

“You’re only getting two pics of his place. Oh, he’s the frozen sugar cookie dude that gives Sasha the hundreds.”

“You’re joking. Levi’s Crispy Benjamin?” He can feel Eren’s excitement through the phone.

“YES! I was trying to remember that nickname all day.”

“I’d be surprised if you remembered. By the time Sasha whips it out you’re done pregaming.”

“True.” Jean is usually the first drunk and the first sober. Eren’s tolerance is so low he can’t function at the end of the night so Jean’s stuck with the responsibility of getting everyone to the Yeager’s and putting out the next day’s pills and water. 

“Jean.”

“Jesus! What?” He’s already over this conversation and Connie is setting up the character profiles for multiplayer.

“My pics Jean. I have to go.” The muted panting on the phone drew his attention and Jean couldn’t keep the shout in him if he tried.

“Don't jerk off when I’m on the phone!” Naturally, this drew Levi and Sasha’s attention from their mixing bowls. Levi who put two and two together fast enough to make his scent spike, releasing a fresh wave of something that smells like a gas station and honey buns that seeps all over the shared space.

“My pics!”

Jean power walked back to Connie shouting on the phone again. “You’ll get your fucking pictures! Shit. I’m hanging up. Go beat off in a sock and die.” He presses the end button hard wishing it was 2004 when Razors were a thing. That little clack when the phone shut was a pleasant finalizing sound. He’ll never hang up like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> I've worked through the hard part of APA that was impeding my progress so here's a short about our bois being dummies. The main story will be updated soon! Pinkie promise!


End file.
